The "Year of No Fear"

Notes on a year long exploration of fear and vunerability…




Little suggestions of ‘soulmate’ connection,

Overt statements of long term intention,

Very tender, tactile and affectionate,

Early attachment, hook line and sinker.

Breathless without you whenever I’m waiting

Open hearted, full of dreams you’re ‘the one’

Moving back further, for longer and longer,

Beginning the end when we’ve not long begun.


Denial- it can’t be. “It’s something I’m doing”,

Excuses-“he’s busy or scared and he’s run”,

Very addicted with anxious attachment,

Accepting of every lip service and crumb.

Lies from the start, from the very beginning,

Unnervingly irrefutable as they come undone,

Emotional evisceration, now pure devastation.


Discovering things you did not know existed,

Investigate; self-educate- ‘NPD’ and ‘Cluster B’,

Searching for signs “no it’s not him, it can’t be”

Confusion, then anger, then grief ‘til you’re numb,

Acceptance that now it is time to move forward

Recover your pride; zero contact’s the guideline,

Darling, the lessons will help you become.


The Keepers

The keepers raise the lamp up high,

reflective, blinding, bright,

They lift the beacon for us all,

With all their strength and might.


Who tends the keeper, all alone

concealed within his tower?

There to guide us safely home,

in bleak and dangerous hours


Polish, trim, wait and watch,

unfailing every day,

but when it’s time to journey on

who lights the keepers way?

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