I realise not everyone will resonate. I realise not everyone will agree, and in fact some may actively disagree-that’s fine. It is an outlet, not validation I need in posting the writing below. And in the end, not everyone has to read this.In the wake of the horrible news about that a body has been found in the search for Sarah Everard, many people are angry-and many people are wondering “why”. Though it’s true that stranger perpetrated abudction and murder are a rare occurance, violence against women is absolutely not. It is disgustingly ‘everyday’ to the point that it’s almost a rite of passage for a girl to recieve the ‘safety’ talk and advice.The most infurating thing for a lot of us is some peoples refusal to recognise that this is a huge, systematic problem. Now more than ever, as we band together as sisters, in recognition that Sarah could be any one of us, we need the men we love to recognise that we need allies. We need their voices and activism. We need advocates, not adverseries.This writing represents thoughts that have been on my heart, and my personal experiences and reality.

Enough….Not all men…but enough,

Enough to be scary.

Not all men…but enough,Enough that 1 in 3 women experience sexual violence,

Not all men…but enough,Enough that last year 118 women died at the hands of A man,

One woman every 3 days.

Not all men…but enough,

Enough that 97% of women report having experienced harassment in their lifetime,But we hear that’s “too high!” or is it that women being “too sensitive!”

Not all men…but enough,Enough that it could be ANY man,

Police officer, teacher, judge or politician.

Not all men…but enough,

Enough we are urged to constantly consider how to keep ourselves safe

,And are bombarded with tips and advice which mean the message internalised is ‘if you get attacked, you didn’t do enough’.

Not all men…but enough,Enough that it’s now necessary to campaign to #reclaimthestreets

Again.

Not all men…but enough

Enough to maintain inequality and imbalance.

Not all men…but enough,

Enough to still support a gender pay gap, and 100k pension gap

Not all men…but enough,

Enough that lack of research and consideration in safety equipment means, among other things, women will be more likely to die in a vehicle collision.

Not all men…but enough,

Enough that the percentage of women in the UK parliament still sits at 34% to men’s 76%,

Enough that representation is still a huge issue.

Not all men…but enough,

Enough derailing discussions about women’s rights and safety with their ‘man hating, angry feminist’ war cry.

Not all men…but enough,

Enough that in order to be palatable feminism must be inoffensive and measured,God forbid should it ever be angry, noisy or make any errors

Not all men… but enough

Enough positioning women’s anger as irrational, overreacting or paranoidEnough neutralising what is often the starting point for fundamental change.

Not all men… but enough,

Enough so uncomfortable they need to shut down discussions on women’s safety and equality issues,

Enough needing to have it validated that they and most men are really fine, and good guys

Enough putting their comfort, experiences and privilege over the problem like a sticking plaster, rather than adding their voices as allies.

Not all men…but enough,Enough quick to anger when provoked to reflect on that still, in 2021, a dangerous and unequal society is the reality for most women.

Enough quick to question every post, every statement, statistic and news article about these issues, to pitch in with their collective defence, to insist we acknowledge most men are harmless and ‘play devil’s advocate’ all the while adding absolutely nothing to fuel the movement to address the imbalance.

Not all men…but enough,

Enough that, though it breaks my heart, I will have to teach my daughter to double think- she will have to carry the messaging ‘you must believe women can do anything and are equally worthy to men’ teamed with ‘but actually society is still fundamentally unequal and disproportionately dangerous for women’You have rights, but with those you have dangers and challenges.

Not all men…but we NEED #AllMen

We need to call the silent majority of to actionWe need them to put aside discomfort and prideWe need them to stop seeing these issues as something outside of them as individualsWe need them to be challenging the status quo, and adding their voices to the ones actively calling for changeNo more passive observationAll men, all the time-Because yes, of course, not all men…but ENOUGH is ENOUGH.