Recieved my new ‘I am enough’ necklace in the post today 💗 A good little reminder, and good time to remind others too!
Questioning my ‘enough’ has been something that’s gone hand in hand for me with the fear of judgement I’ve spoken about before. I spent a lot of time before submitting my pieces for the Silent Scream Anthology questioning if they were ‘good enough’ to be considered. I questioned whether even if they were good, were they good enough coming from me- was I ‘qualified enough’? Was my experience ‘enough’ to stand up beside amazing pieces from people who had suffered harrowing pasts and experiences??
We are conditioned to a huge extent by society to look for measurables to value ourselves and others against. It’s unhealthy when we are so bombared and beaten down by this messaging we forget our own inherent value and worthiness of respect.
A few years ago, I had internalised this messaging so much personally that I was riddled with self doubt. I began to question everything when I realised that in my self doubt and desire to be someone ‘better’, the reality was that I’d actually become outwardly self absorbed and inauthentic.
The shift began when I entered into a relationship in this mindset of ‘not enough’. Thinking I wasn’t thin enough, pretty enough, fit enough …whatever enough, for someone I’d created an idealised image of in my mind. Instead of allowing authentic presentation from us both and fostering true connection, this created a space of pressure, expectation and generally doomed it from the start. This particular heartbreak was a HUGE lesson learner for me though, and was a major catalyst along this path into exploring fear, vulnerability and self doubt.
I have come to accept and embrace that while I may not be liked by everyone, I may not have been the ideal person for someone I loved, I may not be agreed with all the time and there may be people better at certain things than I am- still I.am.enough. We all are, and there is plenty room for us all to be 💗